Singing My Heart Out

I discovered my love of the harp in 2013, and this magnificent instrument has taken me on adventures I never dreamed of. I did not have a master plan for what I was going to do with my harp back then, but I have certainly used it for playing at concerts and coffeehouses, tea rooms, art galleries and healing services. I have played some instrumental songs, accompanied myself while singing, and generally thoroughly enjoyed myself. It has become increasingly clear over the past year that what most inspires me is singing and accompanying myself while playing the harp. Designing or modifying arrangements to make them work for me has been an additional pleasure. The harp has taken center stage in my creative world.

However, my musical life took what looked like a small detour in late 2021/2022. In retrospect, it was NOT a small detour – at least not for me.

Life events shifted my schedule, so that I was no longer available for the vocal rehearsals scheduled for our weekly Church Praise Team. I was also not directing our church choir since that became a casualty of the Covid pandemic. And, as many of my fellow musicians know, the harp gigs had just not bounced back from the pandemic either. I continued to play harp for the healing services at church, and at the wakes/funerals of those people I knew who had lost a loved one and wanted this beautiful, peaceful addition to that quiet time. But something was missing.

By mid-summer, I was a wreck. I was depressed and anxious, with no energy or enthusiasm for much of anything at all. I felt unwell all the time and could not for the life of me figure out what was going on. This was not normal! What was happening to me?? I was going through the motions, still getting things done. But my heart wasn’t in it most of the time. I dragged myself through the days.

Like the proverbial bolt of lightning, the answer came suddenly and out of nowhere:

I AM NOT SINGING!

Now I don’t mean simply bopping along to songs on the car radio or my phone playlist. I am talking about focused, intense, hard-driving work to sing a song and sing it well. Deep breaths. Good posture. Undivided attention. Listening for the vocal blend of my voice with many others around me. Returning to my musical roots as a Soprano. Singing with every fiber of my being and giving it all I have when the conductor asks for more. All the myriad things that combine for a good vocal rehearsal and/or performance.

Ultimately, this kind of singing feeds not only my body but also my soul. The two are inseparable. And when I wasn’t singing like this, I wasn’t WHOLE. I was utterly surprised by this revelation, even though I have been singing my entire life. This activity, while it can be physically tiring in the moment, also adds energy to my system. Without it, I was constantly depleted. I treasure playing the harp, and never plan to stop playing this beautifully unique instrument. The harp is a crucially important part of my creative life; it just isn’t the CENTER. Singing is.

I turned (of course) to the Internet, researched choral groups near me, and found one that looked promising. After several months of rehearsals, my Soprano voice started to return, and I was feeling much more centered emotionally. The choral director totally inspires me. I am occasionally sad that I no longer conduct a choir since I could learn so much from her. But in this situation, I am not responsible for anything except learning the music and showing up to sing. Pure joy! In the meantime, our church Praise Team has changed their rehearsal schedule to something I can attend regularly, and I am back to singing there as well – in a much different vocal range and style. My cup is literally full, and I feel so much better!

So….this was all an interesting life lesson for me. I somehow never recognized that vocal work keeps me healthy. It feeds my creative impulse as well. And without it I am less than complete. This is a lesson I have taken to heart and will never neglect again.

And now, here is my question for you:

What do YOU need in your life to be complete?

What gives you energy….

Feeds your soul....

Makes you feel fully present and alive….

Whatever that passion is, find it and pursue it and make it a priority in your life. The rewards of doing this will be considerable, and well worth your efforts.

Feel free to share your experiences in the “comments” section. They don’t need to be musical in nature. What is YOUR passion? How does it fulfill you? I would love to hear your thoughts. Meanwhile, I will sum up this blog with 2 sentences:

Singing is living for me. It is as essential as the air I breathe.